1
00:00:02,020 --> 00:00:03,060
Situated.

2
00:00:04,420 --> 00:00:05,790
Mm.

3
00:00:05,820 --> 00:00:07,350
Yeah, very good,
very good, very good.

4
00:00:07,380 --> 00:00:08,830
Mumma.

5
00:00:08,860 --> 00:00:11,310
Mummy, Daddy and Rosie and Ben
and Gandalf at Christmas.

6
00:00:11,340 --> 00:00:13,750
But Mummy needs to do her work,
so can you go and look at it

7
00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:15,620
by yourself?
Mm.

8
00:00:20,860 --> 00:00:23,950
Yes, Rosie, it's a
Christmas tree and presents,

9
00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:26,550
but Mummy really,
really needs to do her work.

10
00:00:26,580 --> 00:00:29,590
Why don't you go show Daddy?
Go and show Daddy!

11
00:00:29,620 --> 00:00:32,950
Yeah, I get it,
lovely Christmas Yahtzee,

12
00:00:32,980 --> 00:00:34,540
but Rosie, it's not Christmas.

13
00:00:52,380 --> 00:00:54,300
Yeah, Gandalf.

14
00:01:50,660 --> 00:01:53,500
I'm just reading the paper,
honey bunny. Go show Mummy.

15
00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:02,150
Created. Oh, God, not again.

16
00:02:02,180 --> 00:02:03,780
Si?

17
00:02:05,940 --> 00:02:09,310
Oh, good,
you've moved on to videos.

18
00:02:09,340 --> 00:02:10,550
Baby Jesus...

19
00:02:10,580 --> 00:02:11,990
Great.

20
00:02:12,020 --> 00:02:14,670
Christmas nativity.

21
00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:17,500
Yes! You're a nativity elf!

22
00:02:20,620 --> 00:02:24,310
And one of the three wise Batmans.

23
00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:29,260
And the Christmas bass beat.

24
00:02:30,340 --> 00:02:33,740
To be fair, by that stage,
Dad wanted to do the same.

25
00:02:40,900 --> 00:02:43,470
No, Rosie, not again, not again.

26
00:02:43,500 --> 00:02:45,190
That's enough now.
That's enough.

27
00:02:45,220 --> 00:02:46,740
No, no.

28
00:02:49,540 --> 00:02:52,350
So, Rosie, Rosie.

29
00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:53,830
This is today.

30
00:02:53,860 --> 00:02:55,510
February 18th.

31
00:02:55,540 --> 00:02:59,350
And then we have one sleep
and it's tomorrow, which is Sunday.

32
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,670
And then we have another sleep
and it's Monday,

33
00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:04,750
which is when Rosie goes to school.

34
00:03:04,780 --> 00:03:07,710
So, in two sleeps, it's school,

35
00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:10,550
but Christmas is...

36
00:03:10,580 --> 00:03:12,350
December 25th,

37
00:03:12,380 --> 00:03:15,870
which is... is...

38
00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:17,670
here.

39
00:03:17,700 --> 00:03:20,700
And that's... Oh...

40
00:03:22,860 --> 00:03:27,430
310 sleeps away, yes?

41
00:03:27,460 --> 00:03:29,820
But we are here.

42
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,980
Oh, God, what have I done?

43
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,620
Si?

44
00:03:43,420 --> 00:03:45,350
She's, she's doing my head in.

45
00:03:45,380 --> 00:03:49,710
Can you...
Has she been watching Home Alone?

46
00:03:49,740 --> 00:03:52,630
Yeah, Dad put it on for her.

47
00:03:52,660 --> 00:03:55,030
Do you pay any attention?

48
00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,950
What has she been obsessing about?

49
00:03:56,980 --> 00:03:58,830
Going on holiday? Yes.

50
00:03:58,860 --> 00:04:00,180
But more recently?

51
00:04:01,380 --> 00:04:03,300
Er, er...

52
00:04:04,860 --> 00:04:07,030
Christmas!

53
00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:08,310
Oh, Christmas.

54
00:04:08,340 --> 00:04:09,910
Christmas, yeah.

55
00:04:09,940 --> 00:04:12,870
Why would you show her a film where
a family go on holiday at Christmas?

56
00:04:12,900 --> 00:04:15,230
Why are you encouraging her,
Si? Why?

57
00:04:15,260 --> 00:04:18,510
Strictly speaking, Kevin doesn't
go on holiday or have a family

58
00:04:18,540 --> 00:04:21,590
Christmas, because he's home alone.

59
00:04:21,620 --> 00:04:24,830
I think she might find the plot
nuances of Home Alone

60
00:04:24,860 --> 00:04:26,470
a bit complicated.

61
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,430
Like you and Godfather II.

62
00:04:28,460 --> 00:04:30,870
Why does Hyman Roth
live in a bungalow?!

63
00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:33,300
I need to finish this
draft by Tuesday, so...

64
00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:37,590
Yeah, OK, all right.

65
00:04:37,620 --> 00:04:39,830
Come on, Rosie. No more DVDs.

66
00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:41,790
Shoes on, let's go out. Come on.

67
00:04:41,820 --> 00:04:44,060
Come on, Ben!
No.

68
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:50,630
I'm going leave the door open
and the bathroom light on, OK?

69
00:04:50,660 --> 00:04:53,190
Night-night, darling.
Night, Mummy.

70
00:04:53,220 --> 00:04:54,540
Hi.

71
00:04:56,220 --> 00:04:57,750
The grill broke.

72
00:04:57,780 --> 00:05:00,670
Jesus, that's the first thing
you've got to say? Well, it did.

73
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,470
Not, "Hi, how was your day?"
Sorry.

74
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:04,310
My day's been shit, Si.

75
00:05:04,340 --> 00:05:07,470
The grill broke.
How was yours? Fun?

76
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,070
Well, it WAS.

77
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:11,510
Well, if it's no fun,
why are you here, Si?

78
00:05:11,540 --> 00:05:13,950
Why don't you run back to Scotland
and live with your dad?

79
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:17,190
Cos that's what we agreed, to try and
function as some sort of a family.

80
00:05:17,220 --> 00:05:20,670
Sorry if it's an effort.
I'm going out back, for a smoke.

81
00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:22,700
Yeah, you deserve it.
Whatever!

82
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:04,990
Right, here we go.

83
00:06:05,020 --> 00:06:07,150
Right, if you're a very good girl

84
00:06:07,180 --> 00:06:10,150
and you come nicely to the park
you can have some Mini Cheddars.

85
00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:13,950
What is it? You want to go this way?

86
00:06:13,980 --> 00:06:15,990
To the big park, is it?

87
00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:17,420
All right, OK.

88
00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:23,700
All right Rosie,
the big park's this way.

89
00:06:25,980 --> 00:06:29,030
Come on.
Come on, no, no, no, no, come on.

90
00:06:29,060 --> 00:06:31,070
We're going to the park,
it'll be fun.

91
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:34,020
What's that?

92
00:06:40,060 --> 00:06:41,430
Hello.

93
00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,350
Hi, you know that noise
Donald Sutherland makes

94
00:06:43,380 --> 00:06:45,190
at the end of
Invasion Of The Body Snatchers?

95
00:06:46,900 --> 00:06:49,470
Oh, wow! Ah.

96
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,110
What does she want?

97
00:06:51,140 --> 00:06:54,870
I dunno, she just dragged me to that
garden centre off the High Street.

98
00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:58,870
The garden centre where we
bought our Christmas tree.

99
00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:00,740
Do you want a Christmas tree?

100
00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:07,270
I don't think they have
any Christmas trees.

101
00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:08,950
Rosie.

102
00:07:08,980 --> 00:07:10,830
Excuse me. Sorry, mate.

103
00:07:10,860 --> 00:07:12,830
Um, you have any Christmas trees?

104
00:07:12,860 --> 00:07:17,230
I can, I can check.
But I'm, I'm pretty sure we don't.

105
00:07:17,260 --> 00:07:19,310
It's, it's February.
Yeah.

106
00:07:19,340 --> 00:07:23,070
Yeah. Yeah, see, see,
they have no Christmas trees.

107
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:24,550
OK, I've gotta go.

108
00:07:24,580 --> 00:07:26,150
I've gotta go.

109
00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:27,550
All right, come on.

110
00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:29,870
Let's go to the park
for a nice walk.

111
00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:33,950
Yup, let's go to the park
for some park fun.

112
00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:38,030
Oh, let's go to the park
for a nice walk in the park.

113
00:07:38,060 --> 00:07:39,780
Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa, pa-pa.

114
00:07:42,260 --> 00:07:44,710
Hey, see, this is a nice walk.

115
00:07:44,740 --> 00:07:46,340
Kss.

116
00:07:47,620 --> 00:07:49,230
Kss.

117
00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:51,030
I don't see an X.

118
00:07:51,060 --> 00:07:53,670
Gonna have to be strict,
you can't start claiming "kss"

119
00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:55,500
that don't exist, young lady.

120
00:08:01,700 --> 00:08:03,990
You're fucking kidding me.

121
00:08:04,020 --> 00:08:05,790
OK, Rosie, Rosie.

122
00:08:05,820 --> 00:08:08,550
Look at Dad, look at Dad,
look at Dad. Oh, hello.

123
00:08:08,580 --> 00:08:10,550
Right, what's that? It's a 'kss'.

124
00:08:10,580 --> 00:08:12,870
Look, a mega kss.

125
00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:15,350
Kss, kss, kss, kss, kss, kss.

126
00:08:15,380 --> 00:08:17,670
Kss, kss, kss, kss, kss, kss, kss.

127
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:22,110
Hey, hey, hey.

128
00:08:22,140 --> 00:08:23,310
Hey.

129
00:08:23,340 --> 00:08:24,870
Hi, guys. Oh.

130
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:26,830
Hi, Chris. What's this?

131
00:08:26,860 --> 00:08:29,350
Oh, prostate cancer.
Just a bit of fun.

132
00:08:29,380 --> 00:08:32,310
Hence the...
Yeah, it's a laugh, isn't it?

133
00:08:32,340 --> 00:08:36,790
It's actually a, a light,
non-restrictive design, so... Yeah.

134
00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:40,230
Sorry, I don't wanna fall off the
pace too much, do you mind if I...

135
00:08:40,260 --> 00:08:42,276
Oh, sorry, of course, yeah.
Out of the way, Rosie. OK.

136
00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:46,110
Good luck. See you later.
Thanks. Come on, Chris.

137
00:08:46,140 --> 00:08:49,430
Oh, for fuck's sake, how Christmassy
do you wanna make it?

138
00:08:49,460 --> 00:08:50,740
Come on!

139
00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:56,710
It was mental.
Mumma.

140
00:08:56,740 --> 00:08:58,990
No, Rosie, I'm not gonna come
and look at the calendar.

141
00:08:59,020 --> 00:09:00,870
You, you do it by yourself.

142
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:03,430
They had at least three, Em,

143
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:06,550
three...
Father Christmases,

144
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,870
and two Batmen.

145
00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:13,430
Batmans? His name's Batman,
so it would be Batmans, not Batmen.

146
00:09:13,460 --> 00:09:16,750
Like, it would be two Simons,
not Simen.

147
00:09:16,780 --> 00:09:18,990
You know you're on the spectrum?

148
00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:21,550
Mm.

149
00:09:21,580 --> 00:09:23,990
No, Rosie, that's it.

150
00:09:24,020 --> 00:09:27,430
I am hiding December in a cupboard.

151
00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:28,670
Eh!

152
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,230
Please, please.

153
00:09:33,260 --> 00:09:36,300
Will you learn the concept of time?

154
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:43,550
I mean, we could just have...
Christmas next week.

155
00:09:43,580 --> 00:09:46,070
But it's not Christmas.
I know, but it might shut her up.

156
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:47,350
You reckon?

157
00:09:47,380 --> 00:09:49,876
You don't think we'll be teaching
her that every day is Christmas?

158
00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:51,996
Every day is Christmas when
you're married to me, hon.

159
00:09:52,020 --> 00:09:53,830
In that we drink too much and row

160
00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,750
and you fall asleep
in the front garden?

161
00:09:55,780 --> 00:09:57,110
That happened one Christmas.

162
00:09:57,140 --> 00:09:59,150
I'm not living in a Wizzard song.

163
00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:00,260
Mm, mm, mm.

164
00:10:02,260 --> 00:10:03,430
Eh.

165
00:10:03,460 --> 00:10:05,076
I think for Christmas
we get a new calendar.

166
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:06,910
Mm.

167
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,670
Mm. President's Day?

168
00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:11,470
What's President's Day?

169
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:12,860
I don't know. It says "US".

170
00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:19,430
"President's Day is the federal
holiday which falls on the third

171
00:10:19,460 --> 00:10:22,870
"Monday of February and celebrates
the birth of George Washington,

172
00:10:22,900 --> 00:10:25,510
"who was born on February 22nd,
1732."

173
00:10:25,540 --> 00:10:27,270
Hm, we could celebrate that,
I suppose.

174
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:29,990
You want to do something special
on George Washington's birthday?

175
00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:31,790
No, no, it's not his birthday,

176
00:10:31,820 --> 00:10:33,716
because it's set to
be on a Monday each year, so...

177
00:10:33,740 --> 00:10:35,470
All right, Richard Osman,

178
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:38,150
you literally found out about it
15 seconds ago on Wikipedia.

179
00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:40,630
Want to celebrate President's Day?

180
00:10:42,940 --> 00:10:44,620
OK, OK, we can do that. Mm.

181
00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:46,830
Rosie...

182
00:10:46,860 --> 00:10:48,590
Mumma.

183
00:10:48,620 --> 00:10:51,190
Who do you mean, Ben? Hm.

184
00:10:51,220 --> 00:10:52,380
Daddy? Mm.

185
00:10:55,180 --> 00:10:56,430
Guh-guh.

186
00:10:56,460 --> 00:10:59,070
Oh, my God, did you say,
did you say Dadda?

187
00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:00,990
Rosie, can you say Dadda again?

188
00:11:01,020 --> 00:11:03,990
Rosie, say Dadda again.

189
00:11:04,020 --> 00:11:06,110
Mm, mm, Dadda.

190
00:11:06,140 --> 00:11:07,900
Guh-guh! Oh, him...

191
00:11:10,980 --> 00:11:14,150
Guh-guh. Yes! Gandalf. Guh-guh.

192
00:11:14,180 --> 00:11:18,030
You know, erm,
Paul Newman's quote about his wife,

193
00:11:18,060 --> 00:11:20,236
"Why go out for burger
when you can have steak at home?"

194
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:21,350
Mm-hm. Yeah?

195
00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:24,270
But don't you just think, sometimes,

196
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:26,470
"I really want a fucking burger,

197
00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:29,750
"with cheese, and bacon,
and onion rings and..."

198
00:11:29,780 --> 00:11:32,470
Oh, for the sake of our friendship,
please don't tell be telling me

199
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:34,550
I'm the bacon double
cheese Whopper here.

200
00:11:34,580 --> 00:11:37,870
No. I'm just not sure about
that steak in the fridge.

201
00:11:37,900 --> 00:11:39,910
I mean,

202
00:11:39,940 --> 00:11:41,310
I'd give it a smell first.

203
00:11:41,340 --> 00:11:44,470
Fuck off!
Em is the finest wagyu beef,

204
00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:47,110
with good marbling,

205
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,500
and... Mm?

206
00:11:50,060 --> 00:11:52,070
erm... No... other...

207
00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:54,550
no, no, please do carry on,
sister,

208
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:57,590
cos I'm dying to know
where this analogy is heading.

209
00:11:57,620 --> 00:12:01,190
Er, it's that you are
Asda stewing steak,

210
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:04,950
that you have to marinade
for 24 hours in wine,

211
00:12:04,980 --> 00:12:07,030
which you kind of do.

212
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,750
I could get out there.

213
00:12:08,780 --> 00:12:10,310
I've got some moves.

214
00:12:10,340 --> 00:12:13,630
I'm good at stuff.
Stuff? Like filing paperwork?

215
00:12:13,660 --> 00:12:14,790
Yeah.

216
00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:17,030
You might not have a good
time in bed, but invoice me

217
00:12:17,060 --> 00:12:18,620
and I will pay you promptly.

218
00:12:20,660 --> 00:12:22,070
Go home.

219
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:23,390
Go home to Em.

220
00:12:23,420 --> 00:12:25,710
I've known you both a very long time

221
00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:29,790
and you will never find
anyone as lovely and funny as her,

222
00:12:29,820 --> 00:12:32,820
who's prepared to talk to you
about the Star Trek.

223
00:12:34,380 --> 00:12:35,790
Mm, that's it.

224
00:12:35,820 --> 00:12:37,340
She doesn't really talk to me.

225
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:39,740
Not any more.

226
00:12:45,740 --> 00:12:46,910
Eh.

227
00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:50,270
Yes. Yes, Rosie,
it's President's Day!

228
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:52,030
Mm.

229
00:12:52,060 --> 00:12:53,470
Did your mum get back to you?

230
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:56,870
Yep. Erm, yeah, they might do a bit
of shopping this afternoon, erm,

231
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:59,670
then come back here
and head back about seven.

232
00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:01,870
About seven.
I'm going to do all American food.

233
00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:04,620
Hot dogs, chips,
unhealthy vegetables. Mm.

234
00:13:05,820 --> 00:13:09,310
No, no, Rosie, it's not
Christmas Day, it's President's Day.

235
00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:11,190
Mm.

236
00:13:11,220 --> 00:13:12,830
You don't think she read it as...

237
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,790
Rosie,

238
00:13:14,820 --> 00:13:17,830
is President's Day the day that
you open all the presidents?

239
00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:23,670
No, Rosie, it's not "presents" day.

240
00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:25,430
Mm.

241
00:13:25,460 --> 00:13:28,590
No, we're not getting you
another Whoozit today.

242
00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:31,430
You already have all of the
Whoozits. It's President's Day.

243
00:13:33,540 --> 00:13:35,990
All right, see you later. Mm. Mm.

244
00:13:36,020 --> 00:13:37,790
Mm.

245
00:13:37,820 --> 00:13:39,030
Ooh.

246
00:13:39,060 --> 00:13:40,620
What is it? Nothing. Mm.

247
00:13:43,180 --> 00:13:45,390
Why, why is she looking at a,

248
00:13:45,420 --> 00:13:49,030
a Belgo Prism 31cm
Black X-Man monster dong?

249
00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:50,230
Er, that's quite a mouthful.

250
00:13:50,260 --> 00:13:51,870
I mean, it's the X, isn't it?

251
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:54,350
It's her life's mission to find all
the X's in the world.

252
00:13:54,380 --> 00:13:56,750
Thank God I disabled one-click buy.

253
00:13:56,780 --> 00:14:00,070
We could buy her a present.
It is George Washington's birthday.

254
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:01,910
It's not his birthday.
I know, I know, I know.

255
00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:03,230
I'll buy her one present.

256
00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:05,310
Something small. Not that.

257
00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:06,990
See you later.

258
00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:08,390
Mm! Kss!

259
00:14:08,420 --> 00:14:10,670
Yes, X! Kss! Kss!

260
00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:11,790
Good girl.

261
00:14:11,820 --> 00:14:15,510
He changes nappies, erm,
does fresh air, cooks.

262
00:14:15,540 --> 00:14:17,510
You know, Ben loves him.

263
00:14:17,540 --> 00:14:20,220
Er, he does really love the kids.

264
00:14:21,420 --> 00:14:24,460
Erm, I'm just not sure about me.

265
00:14:25,820 --> 00:14:27,830
Do you think there's someone else?

266
00:14:29,180 --> 00:14:31,540
I don't know.
Er, emotionally, probably, yep.

267
00:14:33,420 --> 00:14:34,630
You think he wants to leave?

268
00:14:34,660 --> 00:14:37,190
No. But, you know, for the kids.

269
00:14:37,220 --> 00:14:40,620
You know, poor little Si,
from his own broken home.

270
00:14:41,820 --> 00:14:43,110
I think he'd go to pieces,

271
00:14:43,140 --> 00:14:47,550
he'd probably end up drinking
himself to death in a shitty bedsit,

272
00:14:47,580 --> 00:14:49,870
but, you know,
I'd still worry about him.

273
00:14:49,900 --> 00:14:53,590
Erm, you know, and clearly
it's in the best interests

274
00:14:53,620 --> 00:14:55,710
of three of the four of us

275
00:14:55,740 --> 00:14:58,300
to stay together as a family.

276
00:14:59,580 --> 00:15:00,700
But what about you?

277
00:15:02,620 --> 00:15:06,190
Some time off Rosie -
and Si - would be nice,

278
00:15:06,220 --> 00:15:11,190
erm, but even more lonely,
erm, and boring.

279
00:15:11,220 --> 00:15:14,270
You know, I'm not really a catch,
am I?

280
00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:18,190
A middle-aged housewife
with a severely disabled child.

281
00:15:18,220 --> 00:15:20,580
Form an orderly queue, gentlemen.

282
00:15:27,940 --> 00:15:29,660
Mm.

283
00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:32,750
Mm-mm.

284
00:15:32,780 --> 00:15:35,270
No, Rosie, no, not Christmas tree.

285
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:37,590
Hey, guys.
President's Day. Washington.

286
00:15:37,620 --> 00:15:39,020
George Washington.

287
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:42,670
Don't be long, cos Grandma
and Gandalf are coming soon,

288
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:43,836
to celebrate President's Day.

289
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,630
Do I get any presidents?

290
00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:48,310
Do what your mum says,
whatever it was.

291
00:15:48,340 --> 00:15:50,190
Oh, wow.

292
00:15:50,220 --> 00:15:51,670
Ooh, what's this one?

293
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,270
That is Washington...

294
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:55,310
signing the Constitution
in Pennsylvania.

295
00:15:55,340 --> 00:15:58,230
You really know how to get
a party started.

296
00:15:58,260 --> 00:16:00,190
Hello! Hi.

297
00:16:01,940 --> 00:16:02,950
Hello. Hey!

298
00:16:05,820 --> 00:16:08,750
Well, what a lovely surprise!

299
00:16:08,780 --> 00:16:10,710
I told you everyone was coming.

300
00:16:10,740 --> 00:16:11,780
Rosie... Mumma.

301
00:16:12,860 --> 00:16:14,990
Daddy. Ben.

302
00:16:15,020 --> 00:16:16,230
Guh-guh.

303
00:16:16,260 --> 00:16:17,710
Oh! That's so clever!

304
00:16:17,740 --> 00:16:19,590
And...

305
00:16:19,620 --> 00:16:20,660
Grandma.

306
00:16:22,220 --> 00:16:24,830
Well, President's Day
looks like a lot of fun.

307
00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:26,630
Oh, what's this?

308
00:16:26,660 --> 00:16:28,390
I'll need me specs to look at this.

309
00:16:28,420 --> 00:16:29,630
Kss!

310
00:16:29,660 --> 00:16:31,140
Oh, dildo. No!

311
00:16:32,180 --> 00:16:35,630
Oh, that's...
Oh, it's just Christmas trees.

312
00:16:35,660 --> 00:16:37,550
No! Rosie,

313
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:38,990
it's not Christmas.

314
00:16:40,140 --> 00:16:41,150
Oh, blooming heck.

315
00:16:41,180 --> 00:16:42,830
Oh, what a lovely noise?

316
00:16:42,860 --> 00:16:44,670
Rosie, do you want a Christmas tree?

317
00:16:46,180 --> 00:16:47,630
No, Ben!

318
00:16:47,660 --> 00:16:49,750
Well, we'll just get...
We could get Steve McManaman,

319
00:16:49,780 --> 00:16:52,630
put it in that corner.

320
00:16:52,660 --> 00:16:54,150
It looks like Steve McManaman.

321
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:57,390
Rosie, do you want to come
and get the tinsel from upstairs

322
00:16:57,420 --> 00:16:59,870
and decorate it,
like in the picture?

323
00:16:59,900 --> 00:17:02,270
? On the first day of Christmas,
my true love...

324
00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:03,950
It'll be fine.
It'll make her happy.

325
00:17:03,980 --> 00:17:06,230
Who knows, maybe George Washington
loved Christmas.

326
00:17:06,260 --> 00:17:08,060
He literally didn't.
You don't know that.

327
00:17:10,660 --> 00:17:13,550
Christmas Day 1750,
his house burnt down.

328
00:17:13,580 --> 00:17:19,070
Christmas Day, er, 1753, er,
he was wounded in a fight in, quote,

329
00:17:19,100 --> 00:17:20,310
"Murdering Town".

330
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:23,710
You're cherry-picking these.
He died at Christmas, Si.

331
00:17:23,740 --> 00:17:25,830
It says here he died a week before.

332
00:17:25,860 --> 00:17:28,030
Well, I imagine it still
ruined Christmas.

333
00:17:31,260 --> 00:17:33,150
Oh, well,

334
00:17:33,180 --> 00:17:34,590
isn't that pretty?

335
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:39,190
Would you like your president now?

336
00:17:39,220 --> 00:17:40,310
Na-na!

337
00:17:40,340 --> 00:17:42,390
Oh!

338
00:17:42,420 --> 00:17:43,790
Mm.

339
00:17:43,820 --> 00:17:45,670
And then it's homework before tea.

340
00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:47,710
And do you guys want to
stay for a bite to eat?

341
00:17:47,740 --> 00:17:49,230
Er, a little.
We have to get back.

342
00:17:49,260 --> 00:17:51,100
Kath's made one of her flans.

343
00:17:52,660 --> 00:17:55,150
And when your mum told me
about President's Day,

344
00:17:55,180 --> 00:17:58,030
I picked up a few little things.

345
00:17:58,060 --> 00:18:00,340
That's for Rosie.

346
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:03,260
Ben. Thanks, Grandma.

347
00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:08,230
Mum... I just bought you some wine.

348
00:18:08,260 --> 00:18:10,950
And Em, a John Lewis voucher.

349
00:18:10,980 --> 00:18:12,460
We haven't got you anything.

350
00:18:15,620 --> 00:18:17,830
Bloody hell. This is crackers.

351
00:18:19,780 --> 00:18:21,860
Dad, why would you say crackers?

352
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:24,100
Eh.

353
00:18:26,420 --> 00:18:28,590
No, Rosie,
we're not having that sort of tea.

354
00:18:28,620 --> 00:18:31,670
We're having hot dogs for,
for President's Day.

355
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:35,990
Oh, crikey, it goes right through
you that noise, doesn't it?

356
00:18:36,020 --> 00:18:38,110
We could, Em,
we could always get Rosie...

357
00:18:38,140 --> 00:18:39,670
Christmas dinner.

358
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:42,710
Rosie has Pizza Express
dough balls for Christmas.

359
00:18:42,740 --> 00:18:46,070
Mm. Well, we could, er, we could go
out and, and get some of them.

360
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:48,030
No need. We've got a packet
from the supermarket

361
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:50,310
and I kept a dough balls
box from Pizza Express.

362
00:18:50,340 --> 00:18:52,910
Just heat them up, I'll nip
outside for a couple of minutes,

363
00:18:52,940 --> 00:18:54,710
pretend I'm picking them up.
No bother.

364
00:18:54,740 --> 00:18:56,870
Mm. Mm-mm.

365
00:18:56,900 --> 00:18:59,510
So I think it's called a plie,
isn't it?

366
00:18:59,540 --> 00:19:01,790
When you go down... Oh, hey.

367
00:19:01,820 --> 00:19:04,150
Oh, hi Chris.

368
00:19:04,180 --> 00:19:05,510
Oh, Ellie, you look nice.

369
00:19:05,540 --> 00:19:07,510
Yeah, Dad Taxis again.

370
00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:09,950
Someone's got themselves
cast in the school ballet.

371
00:19:09,980 --> 00:19:11,020
Hey.

372
00:19:12,940 --> 00:19:15,790
Sorry, I'm hiding from Rosie.

373
00:19:15,820 --> 00:19:17,630
She thinks it's Christmas,

374
00:19:17,660 --> 00:19:21,710
so, erm, I'm pretending to get her
some Pizza Express dough balls...

375
00:19:21,740 --> 00:19:24,110
Oh... for her Christmas dinner.

376
00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:27,390
You, you don't have any, er,
crackers left?

377
00:19:27,420 --> 00:19:30,300
Er, maybe,
in the back room, yeah.

378
00:19:34,180 --> 00:19:35,630
That's probably enough time.

379
00:19:35,660 --> 00:19:36,700
Yeah. Excuse me.

380
00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:41,950
I, I'm sorry about the other day,
in the park, with Rosie,

381
00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:44,140
with the fun run, erm...
Did you win?

382
00:19:45,820 --> 00:19:46,940
Yeah, well, seventh.

383
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:58,310
? Happy birthday, Mr President,

384
00:19:58,340 --> 00:20:02,350
? Happy birthday to you.

385
00:20:02,380 --> 00:20:04,310
Christ, Marilyn Monroe's
gone downhill.

386
00:20:04,340 --> 00:20:06,630
And it's not his birthday.
She's eating her unicorn.

387
00:20:06,660 --> 00:20:08,470
That's definitely not
going to be good luck.

388
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:11,310
Take that out of your mouth,
because Daddy has been all the way

389
00:20:11,340 --> 00:20:14,470
to Pizza Express
to get you some dough balls!

390
00:20:16,420 --> 00:20:18,270
Guh-guh.
Yeah, yes, Daddy.

391
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,030
Humble bread balls.

392
00:20:20,060 --> 00:20:21,910
Much as they would've
eaten in Bethlehem.

393
00:20:21,940 --> 00:20:23,950
What, with garlic butter?

394
00:20:23,980 --> 00:20:25,540
It's not Christmas.

395
00:20:28,380 --> 00:20:30,430
No, we don't have time for Yahtzee,
Rosie. Mm.

396
00:20:30,460 --> 00:20:33,230
Grandma and Gandalf have got to
go home after tea. What's Yahtzee?

397
00:20:33,260 --> 00:20:35,550
We played it last... yule time.

398
00:20:35,580 --> 00:20:37,910
It's a dice game.
All about probability.

399
00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:40,870
But she likes it when you shout,
"Yahtzee!"

400
00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:42,550
Probability, huh!

401
00:20:42,580 --> 00:20:45,750
I think I'll leave that
to Professor Brainbox.

402
00:20:45,780 --> 00:20:47,390
Don't forget you've got homework,
Ben.

403
00:20:47,420 --> 00:20:49,350
Do you want a lift to the station
after tea, Mum?

404
00:20:49,380 --> 00:20:50,390
Oh, wow!

405
00:20:52,660 --> 00:20:53,670
Erm...

406
00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:55,910
Ho-ho-ho, Rosie!

407
00:20:57,540 --> 00:20:59,470
Who wants a cracker?

408
00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:01,190
OK, OK, OK, OK...

409
00:21:01,220 --> 00:21:04,150
You have got to be
fucking kidding me.

410
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:07,590
Sorry, it's just that Simon told me
how much Rosie likes Christmas,

411
00:21:07,620 --> 00:21:10,790
so, erm... And I've got this till
Wednesday, so I thought...

412
00:21:28,380 --> 00:21:32,350
Her dietician sent through
a new nutrition plan.

413
00:21:32,380 --> 00:21:35,460
Think we should operationalise
it next week.

414
00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:38,630
What's that face for?

415
00:21:38,660 --> 00:21:39,860
Nothing.

416
00:21:41,540 --> 00:21:43,550
Operationalise it? You mean do it.

417
00:21:43,580 --> 00:21:45,550
It's just words. I know.

418
00:21:45,580 --> 00:21:47,590
It's just like being
in an HR meeting.

419
00:21:47,620 --> 00:21:48,660
Oh, whatever.

420
00:21:51,900 --> 00:21:53,780
Just try smiling, for fuck's sake.

421
00:22:05,740 --> 00:22:07,350
Yeah,

422
00:22:07,380 --> 00:22:09,630
yeah, you go and, go and smoke
on your garden furniture.

423
00:22:09,660 --> 00:22:12,430
You do get how pathetic that is,
don't you?

424
00:22:12,460 --> 00:22:14,550
You're like a tramp
who lives in a house.

425
00:22:14,580 --> 00:22:18,270
Well, you wanted me home in the
evening for the kids, and I am.

426
00:22:18,300 --> 00:22:21,150
Yeah, you come home,
but you're not here.

427
00:22:21,180 --> 00:22:22,220
You're just off...

428
00:22:23,500 --> 00:22:25,030
texting another woman

429
00:22:25,060 --> 00:22:27,070
about fuck knows what.

430
00:22:27,100 --> 00:22:29,270
Eh? Don't bring Helen into this.
Why not?

431
00:22:29,300 --> 00:22:32,030
When was the last time you sent me
a text longer than two words?

432
00:22:32,060 --> 00:22:35,630
Why do you spend hours outside,

433
00:22:35,660 --> 00:22:36,740
texting her?

434
00:22:37,980 --> 00:22:40,780
Because she's a laugh,
and it's an escape from all this.

435
00:22:42,580 --> 00:22:45,340
Well, if you want an escape,
Si, go ahead.

436
00:22:46,460 --> 00:22:47,830
If you want to split up, fine.

437
00:22:47,860 --> 00:22:50,150
Oh, Jesus, now you want a divorce?

438
00:22:50,180 --> 00:22:51,590
I don't know.

439
00:22:51,620 --> 00:22:54,550
I used to wonder
if you didn't love me any more.

440
00:22:54,580 --> 00:22:55,870
Now you don't even like me.

441
00:22:55,900 --> 00:22:57,550
No, no, no, no, you want a divorce.

442
00:22:57,580 --> 00:22:59,270
Don't lay all that on me, Emily.

443
00:22:59,300 --> 00:23:01,510
Just look at yourself,
cos you're so cold.

444
00:23:01,540 --> 00:23:04,270
Oh, I'm cold?
Yeah, you're cold!

445
00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:06,550
YOU look at yourself.

446
00:23:06,580 --> 00:23:07,830
Nothing,

447
00:23:07,860 --> 00:23:11,230
NOTHING about the way you treat me,

448
00:23:11,260 --> 00:23:13,790
right now, inspires warmth!

449
00:23:13,820 --> 00:23:15,430
No. Bullshit, bullshit!

450
00:23:15,460 --> 00:23:18,230
You've always been cold
ever since the first time

451
00:23:18,260 --> 00:23:21,510
I ever went back to your house in
Birmingham, way back, like, in 1992.

452
00:23:21,540 --> 00:23:24,470
I will never forget,
we sat there eating pizza,

453
00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:27,430
while you were reading
the Littlewoods catalogue.

454
00:23:27,460 --> 00:23:28,750
You're weird.

455
00:23:28,780 --> 00:23:30,870
I'm weird now?

456
00:23:30,900 --> 00:23:32,110
What about you?

457
00:23:32,140 --> 00:23:34,350
You're the one who got so arseholed,
surprise-surprise,

458
00:23:34,380 --> 00:23:36,270
I woke up in the middle of the night

459
00:23:36,300 --> 00:23:39,510
and found you pissing
down the middle of my bedside lamp!

460
00:23:39,540 --> 00:23:43,110
One time. Yeah, the next time was
in that shitty hotel in York.

461
00:23:43,140 --> 00:23:46,270
You pissing again, only this
time on the fucking Gideon Bible!

462
00:23:46,300 --> 00:23:48,990
Oh, I'm sorry, did that mean you had
nothing to read over breakfast?

463
00:23:49,020 --> 00:23:52,390
Yeah, and for your information,
it wasn't the Littlewoods catalogue,

464
00:23:52,420 --> 00:23:54,270
it was the Argos catalogue!

465
00:23:57,260 --> 00:24:00,350
Why were you reading
an Argos catalogue?

466
00:24:00,380 --> 00:24:03,510
Because I, I had to read when I ate,

467
00:24:03,540 --> 00:24:04,660
because I'm weird.

468
00:24:05,740 --> 00:24:06,780
Fucking nutcase!

469
00:24:08,020 --> 00:24:09,350
Why did you piss on a Bible?

470
00:24:09,380 --> 00:24:10,830
Hey,

471
00:24:10,860 --> 00:24:14,430
you looked at me and thought,
"I'm going to marry that man."

472
00:24:14,460 --> 00:24:17,550
And we spent all those nights

473
00:24:17,580 --> 00:24:20,270
drinking, and listening to REM,

474
00:24:20,300 --> 00:24:23,670
and playing
Warlock Of Firetop Mountain.

475
00:24:23,700 --> 00:24:25,710
God, we were so sad.

476
00:24:25,740 --> 00:24:27,420
No, Si, we were happy.

477
00:24:30,540 --> 00:24:32,710
Why can't we be those people again?

478
00:24:32,740 --> 00:24:33,780
We can.

479
00:24:36,020 --> 00:24:39,140
We can. It's just,
it's just there's four of us now.

480
00:24:41,140 --> 00:24:43,550
Just come home, Si.

481
00:24:43,580 --> 00:24:45,020
Come home properly.

482
00:24:46,340 --> 00:24:50,860
Lady Divine by Alela Diane

483
00:24:54,420 --> 00:24:55,910
? When the day

484
00:24:55,940 --> 00:24:59,180
? When the day falls to the line

485
00:25:00,460 --> 00:25:07,030
? At the end, oh, the end of my town

486
00:25:07,060 --> 00:25:12,510
? I call to the dark

487
00:25:12,540 --> 00:25:15,820
? "Take the bones off my back"...

488
00:25:17,580 --> 00:25:20,430
We don't actually have to
keep playing Yahtzee any more.

489
00:25:20,460 --> 00:25:22,750
I put Home Alone on for her
about half an hour ago.

490
00:25:22,780 --> 00:25:25,276
Well, we need to finish the game.
Come on, Dad, it's your throw.

491
00:25:25,300 --> 00:25:26,540
What about your report?

492
00:25:27,620 --> 00:25:29,500
Lighten up, Si!

493
00:25:30,540 --> 00:25:31,990
It's fake Christmas.

494
00:25:32,020 --> 00:25:35,190
Sorry, Mum, I think I might've drunk
too much to drop you at the station.

495
00:25:35,220 --> 00:25:37,310
It's all right.
We can just stay over.

496
00:25:37,340 --> 00:25:38,380
Oh...

497
00:25:43,020 --> 00:25:44,550
You got a Yahtzee!

498
00:25:44,580 --> 00:25:45,870
Oh! Whoa! Yahtzee!

499
00:25:45,900 --> 00:25:48,390
Yahtzee! Oh, blimey.

500
00:25:48,420 --> 00:25:50,180
Does that mean I've won? Is it over?

501
00:25:51,780 --> 00:25:52,910
No.

502
00:25:52,940 --> 00:25:55,180
We should get Rosie,
to show her the Yahtzee.

503
00:25:56,740 --> 00:25:59,990
She's very quiet.
Yes, it is a bit late.

504
00:26:00,020 --> 00:26:03,540
Maybe we should put her to bed,
before we finish the game. Right.

505
00:26:10,220 --> 00:26:12,750
Oh, what? Oh, Rosie!

506
00:26:12,780 --> 00:26:14,510
Mm?

507
00:26:18,860 --> 00:26:21,550
Oh! Oh, crikey!

508
00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:23,550
Well, that's going to take
some clearing up.

509
00:26:23,580 --> 00:26:26,590
Yes, Rosie! Clever girl!

510
00:26:26,620 --> 00:26:28,070
Is it snowing?

511
00:26:28,100 --> 00:26:29,140
Like in Home Alone?

512
00:26:30,660 --> 00:26:32,660
Like at Christmas!

513
00:26:44,140 --> 00:26:45,180
Hey.

514
00:26:49,780 --> 00:26:51,350
Hi.

515
00:26:51,380 --> 00:26:53,470
Hiya. How was your day?

516
00:26:53,500 --> 00:26:54,660
Awesome.

517
00:26:56,620 --> 00:26:58,100
Probably better than yours.

518
00:26:59,180 --> 00:27:00,580
Are you going to shout?

519
00:27:03,820 --> 00:27:05,900
Oh, darling, come here.

520
00:27:08,020 --> 00:27:09,740
Come here, it's all right.

521
00:27:10,780 --> 00:27:12,940
No more shouting, I promise. OK?

522
00:27:14,460 --> 00:27:19,110
You and Mum and Rosie are the most
important people in the world, yeah?

523
00:27:19,140 --> 00:27:20,350
Nothing else matters.

524
00:27:20,380 --> 00:27:25,420
Family makes me
as happy as winning the league.

525
00:27:27,300 --> 00:27:30,220
Everything else is just
goal difference.

526
00:27:31,460 --> 00:27:32,700
Didn't we lose on that?

527
00:27:35,180 --> 00:27:37,070
Yeah, once, yeah.

528
00:27:37,100 --> 00:27:39,310
Arsenal beat Liverpool,
goal difference,

529
00:27:39,340 --> 00:27:40,950
'88-'89, but don't ruin it, mate.

530
00:27:40,980 --> 00:27:43,190
I was proud of that analogy.

531
00:27:43,220 --> 00:27:45,030
If we're being accurate,

532
00:27:45,060 --> 00:27:48,590
'88-'89, Arsenal and Liverpool
were level on goal difference.

533
00:27:48,620 --> 00:27:50,310
Arsenal won on goals scored.

534
00:27:50,340 --> 00:27:51,860
Oh, my God, you're such a nerd.

535
00:27:53,100 --> 00:27:54,990
Just the facts.

536
00:27:55,020 --> 00:27:56,500
They're sport facts.

537
00:28:03,020 --> 00:28:04,350
I need to be at work.

538
00:28:04,380 --> 00:28:06,670
Why? It's Boxing Day.

539
00:28:06,700 --> 00:28:07,950
Why am I doing all this?

540
00:28:07,980 --> 00:28:09,270
Because...

541
00:28:09,300 --> 00:28:11,350
you made it be Christmas.

542
00:28:11,380 --> 00:28:13,270
Mm. Dear God, no.

543
00:28:13,300 --> 00:28:16,070
Rosie, President's Day
was yesterday.

544
00:28:16,100 --> 00:28:17,270
Mm.

545
00:28:17,300 --> 00:28:18,310
Yesterday.

546
00:28:18,340 --> 00:28:19,350
Mm!

547
00:28:19,380 --> 00:28:22,310
Rosie, President's Day
was yesterday.

548
00:28:22,340 --> 00:28:24,070
Mm! Yesterday!

549
00:28:24,100 --> 00:28:25,950
Mm!

550
00:28:25,980 --> 00:28:28,070
She Moves In Her Own Way
by The Kooks

551
00:28:28,100 --> 00:28:29,750
? Well, uh-oh, oh, I love her

552
00:28:29,780 --> 00:28:33,510
? Because she moves in her own way

553
00:28:33,540 --> 00:28:35,030
? But, uh-oh, whoa,

554
00:28:35,060 --> 00:28:36,750
? She came to my show

555
00:28:36,780 --> 00:28:39,870
? Just to hear about my day

556
00:28:39,900 --> 00:28:42,310
? Oh, uh-oh, whoa, I love her

557
00:28:42,340 --> 00:28:45,910
? Because she moves in her own way

558
00:28:45,940 --> 00:28:47,590
? Oh, uh-oh, oh

559
00:28:47,620 --> 00:28:49,190
? She came to my show

560
00:28:49,220 --> 00:28:51,860
? Just to hear about my day.

561
00:28:51,910 --> 00:28:56,460
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